One More Year

I've taken a nice long break from blogging to enjoy the holidays with my family.  My husband turned 30, we had Thanksgiving, my daughter turned 1, we went on vacation to North Carolina to see my parents, we had Christmas, we came home, we had new years, I turned 29 and now it's back to the real world. 

November 20- January 5 are constant craziness around here with all of our birthdays and holidays that get squashed into such a short amount of time. 

Many of these holidays have caused me to look back and reflect on what this last year has brought to me.  It's been a remarkable year, in truth.  Here are some of my reflections:

Reflections On Being a Mother for a Whole Year:

• I know how I lucky I am to have such a well behaved child.  Really, I do.  Don't think I don't.  I'm terrified to have another child because I'm pretty sure that karma will get back at me with some horrible child that never sleeps and screams constantly and poops like 20 times a day.
• I sometimes still feel mommy-guilt for not being able to breastfeed.  But when I look at my daughter, I can't believe how wrong I was for being one of those that judged formula-feeders in the past.  She is thriving and happy and healthy and whip-smart.  Not all who formula feed are lazy, give up too soon, or care more about the look of their boobs than their children.  There still are women who do those things, but hey... not all do.  And I'm ok with that. 
• It's amazing how much you can actually hate being a mom, while still loving it.  When P turned one, my husband asked me how the year has been - I said, "Frustrating, exhausting, annoying, confusing, bothersome, scary and amazingly beautiful."  Truth.
• Baby clothes are crazy.  My daughter's got more clothes than me, and I still go through them so fast.  I get so tired of the same old clothes because she wears like 10 outfits a day, what with eating and making messes and all that.  Seriously.  Baby laundry never ends.
• I LOVE cloth diapering and honestly don't understand how people use paper diapers.  I mean, seriously.  (Hi, I'm judging here, I know... well, ok, not really because I CAN understand how people use them.  But I could never use them because I have different desires and I don't really mind poop.)  Aside from being so freaking adorable, they also have no chemicals in them (hey, awesome!) and don't have potentially harmful side effects for your children.  (ok... a little bit of judgment there, again.)
• Oh yeah, one other thing - my daughter has NEVER had a diaper rash - I consider that a huge accomplishment so far in her 13+ months of life.
• My house is messier and dirtier than ever, but it isn't bothering me as much anymore.
• I don't know who came up with this idea of 'first time mom-isms' but I definitely don't get it.  I carry a huge diaper bag because cloth diapers are huge.  But seriously, there's a lot about my kid that I just let slide.  Like, my kid eats all sorts of crap that she finds.  She's eaten garden fertilizer.  (oops.... don't worry, she was fine)... and bugs... and dirt... and cat food....She's fallen off of beds, and sofas, and down a step onto a tile floor.  I laugh and laugh when my husband flips her around and tosses her high in the air - she loves it, so do I.  I trust him with her... so meh.  I guess I'm just not all crazy protective freaky mom.  I thought I was supposed to be with the first kid?  Or maybe I just know how I turned out, and hey, I kinda like me so.... yeah.
• When you're a mom all you want to do is make your child love the same stuff you love and do the same things you do.  Like, "YOU WILL LIKE FOOTBALL!"  and "YOU WILL LOVE CHRISTMAS!".  Ok, if she doesn't I totally will be heartbroken.  Don't take away my dreams.  But in the end I will admit to myself that she is her own person and it is my job to help her make intelligent, thoughtful and faithful decisions about who she is and what she wants to be. 
• It is totally impossible to NOT compare your child to other children.  Developmental milestones, habits and skills are all up for comparison.  Try not to do it... but you'll probably fail.  Just remember that it's ok, and kids grow as they need.
• I've found some pretty groovy parenting 'styles' that I really feel are the best ways to parent a child, and I'm noticing how at odds I am with much of the world for that.  I am so glad I have technology around these days, because I can find support networks of people that live around the world, encouraging me and supporting me in my decisions.  That's powerful.

Parenting is a lot of fun.  It really is.  It's also crazy hard and exhausting.  But you know what?  It's worth it - 100%.  And I wouldn't change it for anything.


Reflections On The Beginning of 2014: 
I'm not a fan of New Year Resolutions, but I do usually like to re-evaluate some goals around this time of year and find out whether I want to keep pursuing those goals, or shelve them for new ones.  I don't like calling them resolutions because, I dunno, it just seems like those are things you want to 'do', not things you want to specifically work towards as a whole person (for instance, instead of losing weight, I want to live a healthier lifestyle on the whole and reduce the amount of processed and altered foods in my diet).  They're also not things that just apply to this year, but forever.  So along with that healthy me one, here are some other things I want to have as goals in my life. 

I want to Love people more.  As a verb.  I want to write more cards, show up to more events, reach out, volunteer, hug and smile and more people.  I want to use better manners and always say please, thank you and you're welcome.  I want to read more books and grow my vocabulary.  I want to put more effort and concentration into what I do, including my work.  I want to be a better wife to my husband and be less argumentative.  I want to slow down and appreciate what I have, for I have been genuinely blessed.  I want to grow my faith more and live more within a deep relationship with God.

That's what I want for this year.  Those are my goals.  What are yours?


Reflections On Turning 29:
Simple and sweet -
I like getting older, and I'm pretty darn excited about being 30 next year.
I don't miss being a '20-something' even though I technically still am one.
I feel pretty good about where I am for my age. 
I feel like I should be much, much older and yet I still feel very young all at the same time. 
I like me, where I am, right now, and I'm happy to be here.

And that, friends, are my reflections on being 29, being a mom for a whole year, and moving into the new year of 2014.

Hope you all have a fantastic year as well.

~Emmie~