Mother's Day

Mother's Day.

As a child I always enjoyed showing my mother how much I loved her. As a teenager I used it as a way to put aside whatever irritation I was feeling with her. As an adult I use it to reconnect with her and recognize just how amazing of a woman, mother, minister and person she is.

I also have watched my sister fight through incredible odds as a mother - in so many different ways. And when I say fight, I mean it. Nothing has ever been easy for her, and she's done her best - even when she didn't know what her best was - to care for her children. I have learned from her what it can mean to push through struggles in order to finally find the life you always wanted to provide for your children.

Now that I am a mother, I find Mother's Day takes on a whole new meaning. I look at this day and I say, "Wow... I'm so glad this day exists." It feels nice to know that on this one day, millions of mothers are being recognized, loved, supported and showered with sweet little handprint crafts. I'm not saying I don't feel recognized, loved, or supported as a mother in general, but being a mother is hard, hard work and it's nice to know there is a day set aside for those who do this work.

I also understand the pain many feel on this day. I know that there are many who have lost their own mothers, those who have lost children, those who have been longing for a child of their own. I hold a special place in my heart for them today. It cannot be easy.

While I celebrate the joyous responsibility of motherhood, I think about what I want for my children. There are so many things. Most of them huge, almost unattainable goals - a world where the rights of the little man outweigh the rights of the big corporation - a world where protecting the earth is a concern for all, a world where people can feel safe, where we choose love over hate, and a world where no one would bat an eye at an openly gay man being drafted into the NFL.

I also wish for fulfilling relationships, confidence, strength to do what is right even in the face of adversity, some sweet pets to share their journey, and as many trips to Disney World as I can afford to give them.

When I see what I wish for them, I see just how much I, as a mother, play a role in all of that. I can help them on the path to those personal goals. And I can do my part to work for the world I hope they can grow up in.

Being a mother is no small thing. It can be stressful, exhausting, frustrating, confusing and angering. It is always beautiful, incredible, amazing, rewarding and full of a love that has no way to describe it other than one simple word:

Mom.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you beautiful, strong women out there. Enjoy it.

Caring for me

So I'm sitting here in my bed coming to a profound conclusion. It's big and I'm afraid of it.
But I'm getting there. It's a long and complicated story - wandering through this will probably be a train wreck for everyone but me because it's just a rambling series of thoughts. But that's that.

I've always been a casual over stylish type of person. I enjoy getting all fancy once in a while for a night out or a chic event and I put on a skirt or casual dress for church but in reality I''ll choose yoga pants and an old t shirt every damn time.

I think I have ok self image. Not great but not bad. I also think I'm pretty good at seeing my flaws and weaknesses, acknowledging them, and moving on. I'm also good at seeing my talents and my gifts, acknowledging them, and using them in my life. I don't hate myself, but I probably could love myself a little more. I find myself sometimes anxious when my husband looks at me naked because he usually has one of those looks on his face that tells me he thinks I'm sexy and I think I find that bothersome because I don't think I should be sexy. I do however know that I have some good looking features and I like that about myself.

So...again...

Tonight I'm sitting in my bed and I'm thinking. Thinking about how I spent a day doing something I did not particularly enjoy (car show with the husband) because I wanted our family to do something my husband was excited about. I supported him and I felt good about it.

He's an amazing guy and he knew that I went for him and for no other reason. So after the car show, he took me to the mall to buy me the denim jacket I've been wanting forever.

I got to shop. Not forever, and not without budget, but I got to shop for me and for me alone. I got to pick out what I wanted. I even got two shirts too.

We did get some things for my husband and looked at things for our daughter, but only after I'd picked out and paid for what I wanted to get.
That was an amazing feeling.

And that feeling set off something inside of me. Something I've been feeling brewing within me for a while but wasn't really gonna put out there.

See, that whole yoga pants and old tshirt thing was starting to get to me. In truth, I don't mind wearing things like that because I don't care what people think of me. I don't care if they think I'm a slob or lazy or if I don't take good care of myself. They're comfy and I don't worry about whether I get soaked during my daughter's bath time or if I get covered in whichever mess comes with having an active toddler.

But then....

But then there's the realization that I found myself wanting to pick out shirts that were NOT old t-shirts. And wanting to find some jean shorts. And wondering which of my pre baby clothes I might fit into. And I started to realize that maybe, just maybe, I did care.

Not about what people thought of me, but what I thought of me.

I'm sitting here on my bed thinking and I'm astounded at what I am thinking. I went shopping for something I wanted. I came home. I dyed my hair. I gave myself a pedicure. And I started a new book.

I am thinking that I can't even remember the last time I took care of myself like this.

And I don't want to be a gym shorts wearing, messy looking, tired feeling person anymore.

I'm not saying I'm going to start wearing makeup everyday. Ha! Yeah, right. I won't. And I'm not saying suddenly I'm going to be a fashionista because I'm so clueless when it comes to putting together cute looks. And honestly there are still lots of messes and goo and splashes of water in my future. But maybe when I go to the mall I'll buy shirts that are nice, fitted t-shirts in bright and happy colours instead of whatever navy standard issue men's shirt I was given from whatever event I was in. (Like I did today!) And maybe I'll look into treating myself more often.

I'm usually so exhausted that at the end of the day, my equally (or more) exhausted husband and I just watch tv. And that's fine. It's entertaining and takes the edge off the day. But when you do the same thing all the time it's not a treat anymore. It's not special. It's just... The same.

I'm realizing I want to be a little different. A little more cared for. By me, by others. And I'm gonna open myself up to it. I'm gonna love that my husband finds me sexy. And I'm gonna celebrate me. And I'm gonna love me. And let others do the same.

I'm gonna let myself feel worth more.

Don't get me wrong - I'm still a jeans and t shirt kinda gal. But maybe they'll be cute jeans and a nice t shirt. And I'm not saying that we have to look a certain way to be happy, or anything. I'm just saying that for me, I want to invest a little more in me.
It's scary because I'm breaking a little away from me. From the me I knew. And it's profound because this was never going to happen to me or be me. I was never going to be that girl. And here I am.

I firmly believe that we change - a lot - in our lifetimes. That God does all sorts of stuff with us and through us and to us and we become all sorts of versions of us over the years.

So I guess this is just the next version of me. Emmie 4.0 or whatever.

It's gonna take some time to get used to it and not everyone will like it. Maybe not even me at first. Everyone freaks out when Facebook changes... Imagine when your one friend you could always depend on to look worse than you shows up looking nice once? The world might end!

But there you have it. The crazy ramblings of my brain. I'm gonna be a little more of the new me. And I'm gonna start now.

I painted my toes light pink. :)

~Emmie

One More Year

I've taken a nice long break from blogging to enjoy the holidays with my family.  My husband turned 30, we had Thanksgiving, my daughter turned 1, we went on vacation to North Carolina to see my parents, we had Christmas, we came home, we had new years, I turned 29 and now it's back to the real world. 

November 20- January 5 are constant craziness around here with all of our birthdays and holidays that get squashed into such a short amount of time. 

Many of these holidays have caused me to look back and reflect on what this last year has brought to me.  It's been a remarkable year, in truth.  Here are some of my reflections:

Reflections On Being a Mother for a Whole Year:

• I know how I lucky I am to have such a well behaved child.  Really, I do.  Don't think I don't.  I'm terrified to have another child because I'm pretty sure that karma will get back at me with some horrible child that never sleeps and screams constantly and poops like 20 times a day.
• I sometimes still feel mommy-guilt for not being able to breastfeed.  But when I look at my daughter, I can't believe how wrong I was for being one of those that judged formula-feeders in the past.  She is thriving and happy and healthy and whip-smart.  Not all who formula feed are lazy, give up too soon, or care more about the look of their boobs than their children.  There still are women who do those things, but hey... not all do.  And I'm ok with that. 
• It's amazing how much you can actually hate being a mom, while still loving it.  When P turned one, my husband asked me how the year has been - I said, "Frustrating, exhausting, annoying, confusing, bothersome, scary and amazingly beautiful."  Truth.
• Baby clothes are crazy.  My daughter's got more clothes than me, and I still go through them so fast.  I get so tired of the same old clothes because she wears like 10 outfits a day, what with eating and making messes and all that.  Seriously.  Baby laundry never ends.
• I LOVE cloth diapering and honestly don't understand how people use paper diapers.  I mean, seriously.  (Hi, I'm judging here, I know... well, ok, not really because I CAN understand how people use them.  But I could never use them because I have different desires and I don't really mind poop.)  Aside from being so freaking adorable, they also have no chemicals in them (hey, awesome!) and don't have potentially harmful side effects for your children.  (ok... a little bit of judgment there, again.)
• Oh yeah, one other thing - my daughter has NEVER had a diaper rash - I consider that a huge accomplishment so far in her 13+ months of life.
• My house is messier and dirtier than ever, but it isn't bothering me as much anymore.
• I don't know who came up with this idea of 'first time mom-isms' but I definitely don't get it.  I carry a huge diaper bag because cloth diapers are huge.  But seriously, there's a lot about my kid that I just let slide.  Like, my kid eats all sorts of crap that she finds.  She's eaten garden fertilizer.  (oops.... don't worry, she was fine)... and bugs... and dirt... and cat food....She's fallen off of beds, and sofas, and down a step onto a tile floor.  I laugh and laugh when my husband flips her around and tosses her high in the air - she loves it, so do I.  I trust him with her... so meh.  I guess I'm just not all crazy protective freaky mom.  I thought I was supposed to be with the first kid?  Or maybe I just know how I turned out, and hey, I kinda like me so.... yeah.
• When you're a mom all you want to do is make your child love the same stuff you love and do the same things you do.  Like, "YOU WILL LIKE FOOTBALL!"  and "YOU WILL LOVE CHRISTMAS!".  Ok, if she doesn't I totally will be heartbroken.  Don't take away my dreams.  But in the end I will admit to myself that she is her own person and it is my job to help her make intelligent, thoughtful and faithful decisions about who she is and what she wants to be. 
• It is totally impossible to NOT compare your child to other children.  Developmental milestones, habits and skills are all up for comparison.  Try not to do it... but you'll probably fail.  Just remember that it's ok, and kids grow as they need.
• I've found some pretty groovy parenting 'styles' that I really feel are the best ways to parent a child, and I'm noticing how at odds I am with much of the world for that.  I am so glad I have technology around these days, because I can find support networks of people that live around the world, encouraging me and supporting me in my decisions.  That's powerful.

Parenting is a lot of fun.  It really is.  It's also crazy hard and exhausting.  But you know what?  It's worth it - 100%.  And I wouldn't change it for anything.


Reflections On The Beginning of 2014: 
I'm not a fan of New Year Resolutions, but I do usually like to re-evaluate some goals around this time of year and find out whether I want to keep pursuing those goals, or shelve them for new ones.  I don't like calling them resolutions because, I dunno, it just seems like those are things you want to 'do', not things you want to specifically work towards as a whole person (for instance, instead of losing weight, I want to live a healthier lifestyle on the whole and reduce the amount of processed and altered foods in my diet).  They're also not things that just apply to this year, but forever.  So along with that healthy me one, here are some other things I want to have as goals in my life. 

I want to Love people more.  As a verb.  I want to write more cards, show up to more events, reach out, volunteer, hug and smile and more people.  I want to use better manners and always say please, thank you and you're welcome.  I want to read more books and grow my vocabulary.  I want to put more effort and concentration into what I do, including my work.  I want to be a better wife to my husband and be less argumentative.  I want to slow down and appreciate what I have, for I have been genuinely blessed.  I want to grow my faith more and live more within a deep relationship with God.

That's what I want for this year.  Those are my goals.  What are yours?


Reflections On Turning 29:
Simple and sweet -
I like getting older, and I'm pretty darn excited about being 30 next year.
I don't miss being a '20-something' even though I technically still am one.
I feel pretty good about where I am for my age. 
I feel like I should be much, much older and yet I still feel very young all at the same time. 
I like me, where I am, right now, and I'm happy to be here.

And that, friends, are my reflections on being 29, being a mom for a whole year, and moving into the new year of 2014.

Hope you all have a fantastic year as well.

~Emmie~

Paid Family Leave and the "Family Act"

Here's one of my lovely little political posts. 

I belong to a PAC called Moms Rising.  It is comprised of progressively-minded mothers (and those who love them!) who want to fight for what is best for our families - not only from an individual standpoint, but from a standpoint of making this country a better place so that we all can benefit.

Today I found information from them about an upcoming act that is being presented to Congress - the Family Act.

It will work to secure paid family leave - including paid maternity leave.  You can read more about it and sign on here.

Did you know that the US is one of only four countries that don't offer paid leave to new mothers?

Did you know that the US is one of only seven countries that don't GUARANTEE paid leave to new mothers?  The others are Papua New Guinea, Suriname, Nauru, Palau, Samoa and Tonga.

Seriously?

I was talking about this with a friend the other day.  We were talking about how in many other countries that we would consider similar in many ways, there is amazing leave.  A friend of mine in Canada just had a baby and she got 6 months of paid leave, and the option to take 6 more without it.  Plus, her husband got three months paid leave.  THREE MONTHS WHERE BOTH PARENTS WERE HOME TO CARE FOR THEIR CHILDREN AND ESTABLISH THOSE IMPORTANT BONDS AND SKILLS TO CREATE A POSITIVE FAMILY.

When I had my daughter a year ago, I quit my job.  I was an 'hourly manager' at a restaurant and since the FLMA requires 12 weeks of UNPAID leave with only a guarantee to return to a similar position, I was told I could probably end up back working as a hostess, server or some other place that was hourly, but not necessarily equivalent.  I was working for a large chain that has plenty of resources and ability to
do more for me, but nope - at the end of the day, I was just another expendable body.

Now - before I am labeled as a crazy woman, please note.  I get it.  I understand that this is a capitalist society.  We live in a culture where life is driven by money.  (Sucks, doesn't it?  But that's a fact, so there's no working around it.)  We see paid family leave and we think of loss of income and revenue, we see people taking advantage of the support, and we see no positive outcomes.

Well, yes.  It may hurt for a bit.  But here's what we will get in the end -
happier employees.  Happier employees perform better on the job.  They also stay with companies longer because they have more sense of loyalty.  Better performing employees and increased employee tenure with less turnaround make for increased profits, income and revenue. 

I like that!  And so should we.  Paid family leave is NOT a bad thing, and it will help - not hurt.
I know that we seem to think in terms of immediacy - we always look at the NOW rather than the long run.  Amazon.com was featured on 60Minutes the other night and one of their high ranking employees (I don't remember if it was the CEO or such) said that he wasn't worried about the 2-3 year gain, but more about the 6-7 year gain.  They can sell some of their products AT COST (Kindle Fire), and they can have lower prices, because in the long run they'll have customer loyalty and people who go to them first, because they like the experience they get with Amazon.  Well, it's true.  I'm a member of Amazon Prime and have been for years.
So  why not invest in employees the same way Amazon invests in consumers?
Look at companies that do good things for their employees - look at SAS and at Costco and many others.  They're doing well!  And part of it is because they take care of their staff.

So please - go to the link above, write your congresspeople and SUPPORT the Family Act!

A Remarkable Life - In Memory of Nelson Mandela

I've been chewing on this post for a day now, and I'm going to keep it simple.

Nelson Mandela led a remarkable life.  There are few among us who can truly say that.  When he had every reason to hate, he chose to love.  When he had every reason to give up, he pursued.  When he had every reason to deny, his belief flourished.

Not many of us work to make the world a better place.  We often think that one person cannot make a difference.

It is not true.

Yet we must also remember that this man was a man full of fire- he was loud, opinionated and at times, harsh.  He called people out publicly and voiced his concerns for the world to hear.  He used his position of power and respect to make people listen.  He often - and I mean often - criticized the United States.  He could be abrupt and sharp-tongued. 

But through this all - he never stopped fighting for what he thought was right.  He was a good man - faults and all - and he worked tirelessly to make the world a better place.  Those opinions of his were not always popular - support labor unions, terrorists deserve due process too, America is still a largely racist country - but he knew that popular or not, he believed what he was saying needed to be said.  I would agree.

He was a remarkable man.  

One of Donald Miller's books is called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" and in much of it he teaches readers to have a better story.  Make your life remarkable.

So today, let us commit or recommit ourselves to working for the greater good, and loving others by Loving Others.  Use your words and your actions to teach others how to work for the greater good. 

Here are some of Mandela's memorable words:

This sounds nice at first - but it is also largely a criticism.  Are we able to admit that we need this sort of instruction and criticism to make the world a better place?

 After nearly three decades in prison:  "As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison."

 On fighting for democracy around the world:  "To be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

 He always stood for those who were 'lowly' and never believed anyone could not accomplish great things:  "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."

 On acceptance of others:  “I came to accept that I have no right whatsoever to judge others in terms of my own customs.” 

On his work bringing South Africa together again:   "Reconciliation means working together to correct the legacy of past injustice.” 

 A statement he made of himself and others:   “When a man has done what he considers to be his duty to his people and his country, he can rest in peace.”

And so I wish for you, Mr. Mandela.  You did, and I pray that you will indeed rest in peace.

Celebrations

If you know me, you know how much I love Christmas.  It's a little ridiculous, actually.  I go all out.  Multiple trees, new linens all over the house, decorations always in one's eyeline.

I'm also a bit of a Christmas purist though.  I love it so much, I try to keep it special.  No Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving.  But then it's full steam ahead!  It's such a short time of year that I like to squeeze as much out of it as I can.

This year, Thanksgiving was late.  Nov. 28th!  Lots of people were breaking my absolute rule of bringing Christmas out early - and even I was 'getting the itch' too much.

And then Thanksgiving came.  It was a lovely day.  My parents were down from North Carolina and we got to celebrate with lots of great people that day.  Two dinners, one with my family and one with my husband's.  Our daughter was worn out by the end of the day, but with so many people who love her around, she could hardly be still.  I truly am blessed and spent much of the day basking in the beauty of the gifts God has given me.

Here we are at Thanksgiving - we were all in orange - partly because of the holiday, but partly because it is our favourite colour!

So!  The next day comes - and I don't get down all my Christmas decorations, I don't decorate the house and I don't go buy a tree.  I don't bake cookies. I don't do ANYTHING Christmas-y except put on some music.  I spend the day preparing for my daughter's first birthday party!

Paisley was born on December 4th, 2012.  So this year, for her first birthday, we decided to pick a date for her party when my parents would still be in town.  Luckily they both got the first Sunday of Advent off of work (they're both pastors) - a rare occurrence!  So even though many people were traveling and couldn't make it, we had the party two days after Thanksgiving on November 30th!  And many more people came than I expected - and it is a VERY good thing more didn't come!  More on that later....

It was a wonderful party, if I do say so myself.  I knew that a little kid with a lot of people around could only survive so much, so we scheduled it only to last 1.5 hours.  Good thing too!  She woke up from a nap just before and was in a pleasant mood.  She was passed around from friend to friend during the party and we played a game with the older kids for a bit.

Paisley and James

But then we looked at the sky and the 10% chance of rain was starting to look like a bit more.... so quick, to cake and ice cream!
Paisley had a blast eating her cupcake and ice cream, and of course, got SO messy.  Adorable though - I can't complain ;)

And then... RAIN!  Just like that.  Gotta love the Miami rain - one minute it's sunny and the next - downpour!  Quick!  Get everyone in the house!  People grabbed gifts and food and we ran inside in one of the best examples of group cooperation I've seen in my lifetime. 

We live in a fairly moderate house..  About 1600 square feet.  Well.... try fitting the 40 or so people into my living/dining room combination.  OY.  We were packed.  Paisley was soaked from rain, and covered in cake.  So we did a wardrobe change and I asked if people, squashed like sardines in a tin can, wanted to call it a day or open presents.  PRESENTS from all the kids and 'presents' from the adults meant we went ahead and opened gifts in our tight quarters.

Paisley is so blessed to have such loving family and friends and I was again reminded of how wonderful God has been to us. 

People left after gifts and my father was able to pawn off the leftover cake and cupcakes onto guests as they left so that I didn't have temptation staring me in the face all week long.  Hooray!

My parents left on Sunday night and Sunday we finally got our decorations down.  I've been slowly putting them up all week, with more to come - (a post on this later!).

Wednesday was Paisley's actual birthday and we had fun.  She was cranky all day - but hey - she's one and that's not unusual!  For dinner that night we had friends over and it was great.

In the end, this time of year, so full of celebrations, reminds me again and again just how incredible I have it.  There are so many in this world who don't have the ability to have a party for their child, a family to be with on Thanksgiving, a place to go to get out of the rain, and a home to decorate.

This season, please take the time to count your blessings!
And as Bing Crosby sings in my favourite Christmas movie "White Christmas"...

"When I'm worried and I can't sleep,I count my blessings instead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings. When my bankroll is getting small, I think of when I had none at all, and I fall asleep counting my blessings.

I think about a nursery, and I picture curly heads, and one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds.

If you're worried and you cant sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep and you'll fall asleep counting your blessings. "

We al have much to be thankful for, and many blessings to count.  

True Communication

I received some good news this morning.  My parents, who live in North Carolina, are planning on coming for Thanksgiving.  The good news is that they're coming an extra day early now!  They'll be here in just a few short days.  I'm so happy about this.  I love my parents very much and I miss them quite a lot.  Being far away is hard, but we do get to visit a few times a year.  Yet now there is more excitement in spending time with my family, which is that they get to spend time with my daughter.
If you have children, you know how much they grow.  And you know how FAST they grow.  So to know that my family is missing out on those sweet days is sad for me.  And I know it is sad for them too.

Thankfully, we have some great ways to keep in touch these days, thanks to technology.  Skype, phone calls, the ability to snap pictures and instantly send them to others for real time updates.  These things are fantastic to keep us together and help us stay close.

But then... you have to wonder....

Does it make us more distant, in some ways?  Do we not value our time together as much?

My parents met in college and were friends for a year or two, and really only started to date just before the summer of my mother's sophomore year.  My father, who was two years older, graduated and moved north - graduate school in Canada.  My mother transferred and finished her last two years of school at Florida State in Tallahassee.

Everyday, for two years, my parents wrote each other letters.  Hand written, with time set aside out of their days to dedicate to this person.  They couldn't call much because of the expense to call across so many lines and a national border.  They saw each other only for a few trips.  But their letters were beautiful.  Honest, loving, and at times almost boring with the mundane details of a day that had little significance. But still they wrote.  They wrote to include one another in their daily lives, even from a distance and even if the information would arrive a few days late.

It is no surprise that we are losing the art of genuine communication. Go to a restaurant and look around - you'll spot more than one table where no one is looking at the other people, but instead at their phones.  Young people who have grown up in the texting generation show poor aptitude for grammar and proper syntax.  Many don't even know that there are supposed to be two spaces after a period, because a phone requires only one.

We also don't know how to look each other in the eye anymore.  We'd rather relegate uncomfortable conversations to distant vehicles - an email to end a relationship, a letter to remove someone from a job position.  Uncomfortable silences are almost unbearable now, and we turn to a distraction quickly.

Don't get me wrong - I'm a total technology junkie.  But I know its place, and I know that it does not, nor should it ever, stand in for real human interaction.

So let's all take a moment today and PUT DOWN THE CELL PHONES, and have a genuine, honest conversation with someone we care about.  And when you next see your loved ones, give them a big ol' hug, because there's no technological subsitute for touch.  :)